Why, why TMI? (part 2)

Baffling my Father, I posted photos of my ovaries on Facebook. Drawing repeated accusations of "TMI" from friends and strangers, I frequently share very personal details of my life online. Most TMI calls follow bodily function topics, though sometimes people get riled when I just talk about feelings or other personal things. Too navel-gazing, it's TMI.

Last week Maya asked, "When is the next TMI Tuesday?" She's heard me discuss this "holiday" celebrated by a small handful of us on Facebook. She was particularly delighted to hear the example I gave about my friend admitting to peeing in the shower. I explained to Maya (almost-six years old) that especially on Tuesdays Stephanie H. and I try to stretch ourselves to share more than most people find socially acceptable. I push my own boundaries. I do this intentionally, just as I've written about myself and my opinions for years. With intention. I learn where my lines are as I approach (or accidentally cross) them.

Many people make a quick leap that sharing personal information equals selfish self-centered self-absorption. It's been my experience, however, that sharing very personal information can actually help other people around me. I do get complaints (TMI!) and the way I share is certainly not meant for everyone, but, I also get loads of compliments. At least a few people respond with gratitude that I'm sharing as much as I do. Sometimes I'm flooded with messages thanking me. They tell me it makes them feel better about their own experiences. Some say it makes them feel less alone. Some just write to say they appreciate my honesty and openness. My favorite comments are when they say feel emboldened to also share more of their personal stories with others. It feels amazing to know that just by sharing myself other people are having good experiences.

Of course, there are other reasons I share "TMI" that are much more directly about me and my own interests. I enjoy seeing what is comfortable for me and what isn't. I like learning about people I know as they respond to what I've said (or shown). I especially enjoy the thrill of knowing I've been "out there" (exposed) and still feel whole and safe -- and, yes, I'll admit there's an element of "thrill." I brazenly show that I'm interested in myself without also trying to prove that I'm definitely not the most interesting thing in my world. That's a given (for me).

I learn lessons like crazy doing TMI stuff. For example, when I post photos online I now only try to share them in a more private way so no one is forced to view them without making a choice to do so. (Like, "click here to see this" rather than just posting them so they'll show up on everyone's pages.) I discover how other people feel about the boundaries I push. Many times my friendships have grown because of these nutty things I share. Often that growth comes from learning how different we are. In my book, appreciating and respecting differences in personal boundaries is one of the most special parts of any friendship.

It's interesting to me that those closest to me are not at all TMI sharers. In fact, now that I think about it, all but one of my top five closest friends absolutely hate sharing personal information in public. A friend of mine who values her privacy more than most I know asked me to explain why I do this extra-sharing online. I talked to her about some of these things I've outlined here. I also explained that I just find it fun. Set aside any altruistic or self-reflective reasons for sharing TMI. For me, it's just plain fun to write about life as I'm living it or as I've lived it. If someone reads what I've written, that's fantastic. It's a true honor if they take the time to read my TMI. But having readers is only the cherry on the already well-frosted, yummy and moist dark chocolate cake.


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