Growing

When I go into labor, we'll call my parents. They live about 2 hours away. They'll come to hang out with Maya. They'll take her out of the house when the birthing gets intense (as soon as it's obvious I'm needing to focus on the process). Maya won't be here for the actual birth. Some almost-six year olds stick around, but that's not comfortable for me.

We've begun priming Maya for the process. We've talked about it all along, how she won't be here when Althea is born. She's okay with that. She understands that it might seem like I'm hurting, that I might make noises that are loud or scary sounding even though I'll be okay. We both agree neither one of us wants her to worry about me. (There are lots of other reasons I don't want her here, but that is a big part of it: I don't want to worry about her worrying.)

We haven't, however, spent a lot of time going over the actual plan of events. The plan includes the possibility that she will spend the night in a hotel with Gramma and Grampa.

Some background here. A few months ago, Maya said she didn't like sharing a friend of hers with other friends. She said, "It made me realize I'm going to have to share you with the baby." Insightful for a 5.5 year old. From that moment, though, she became more clingy than she has been since she was about 3 or so. Tears flow if/when Josh and I need to leave her for even an hour. The struggle is exhausting.

Lately, things have loosened up just a bit. My venture to the hotel last weekend also opened up some beautiful doors for the Daddy daughter relationship. And, last night, Maya successfully didn't wake me up even once. (Until last night she would wake me up any time she wanted me to roll over and snuggle her, give her water, scratch her back. I informed her 2 nights ago that had to change or I'd have to sleep in another bed. She did it perfectly last night, Josh handled the requests and there were fewer of them.)

This morning I mentioned to her that we'll need to pack a bag for her in the next few weeks. Why? she said. Because if Althea decides to come when it's night time, you'll go with Gramma and Grampa to a hotel, I said.

Her face first flashed terror, almost tears, for just a second she looked as if she were weighing her options. Then the bravest little big smile shone across her face and she said, I'll bring Sealy and my blanket with me! (The closest things to "lovies" or "security blankets" she's ever had.)

I was nonchalant. As if this was a totally normal response. (Normal would have been breaking down into panicked tears, DON'T GO, DON'T GO!)

I am so, so, so very proud of her already.