Power to the Pubes!

Pubic hair hasn't ever been my favorite variety of hair. But recently I saw an article about the return of women's pubic hair and I got to thinking about it. When I started reading I was looking forward to some good news. But even within this notice about a "change" there are jokes about not wanting women to be too hairy.

Of course, in my teens and early 20s I went with the mainstream brainwashing that a woman's hair on anything but a her head would be too manly. In those days (80s and 90s) some women had begun the pubic shaving fad, but it wasn't so popular that "everyone" was doing it. I can remember feeling ugly and masculine if I didn't have baby's butt smooth legs. A classmate once teased me because I hadn't shaved my thighs.

Thankfully, my husband doesn't subscribe to the hairy = manly theory. It was soon after I realized he accepted me as I am that I freed myself from the shaving nightmare. If I lived a truly authentic life consistent with my values, I'd stop shaving everything and embrace every little hair on my body. I still find it nice to occasionally shave my shins -- especially before bed. The slipping around in the sheets feels lovely. I also tend to my armpits with every shower. I've got friends now who don't shave their pits, and I can see how even that doesn't make them any less feminine or womanly. It's something I, so far, haven't gotten past.

This fear of female hair we have in this country intersects on several levels with our obsession with the perfect female (ultra thin) body. It's maddening.

Watching ice skating a few days ago, a usually very well-informed woman said to me, "After Katarina Witt had her baby her body changed so much it's no longer a beautiful thing to watch her." We were watching her as she said it. At first, I was outraged. The woman was beautiful. Some woman's curves, sure, but very healthy looking (and that isn't a euphemism for overweight). As we watched, though, I realized how we've been trained to see a lithe, almost hipless slender woman as the most beautiful skater. I hated that I watched her and saw some clunkiness to her performance. She skated beautifully. But, she looked like a grown-up woman and that didn't meet our expectations.

This is all maddening. How can I bring my daughter up believing we are loved exactly as we are? She already sees what my niece does just to "get ready" to go somewhere. She knows I shave my armpits and sometimes my legs. She hears women talking about gaining or losing weight, not related at all to health.

That a culture has its standards of beauty, I can accept. But there is a deep-seated fear in this country that forces extremes in our definition of femininity. Keep women as child-like as possible so we know they aren't too powerful. Skinny and hairless. Breasts are fine, but if they get too big they're something to comment on. I won't even get into the lengths women go with high-heeled shoes and hours of body pruning, trimming, and coloring.

How are we supposed to accept and love ourselves when the only real beauty is hairless and thin? I'm disgusted by the conditions we place on our own beauty (*if* I were thinner, *if* I shave/pluck/remove those hairs, *if* I'm wearing makeup). I look forward to the day when we love our roundness (or our thinness, if that's what's healthy for you) and our natural hair growth. If nothing else, I can't help but think of the thousands of women who won't have to deal with what I can only imagine must be the most excrutiatingly uncomfortable stubble growth between their legs.



.

It's Over.

My heart is going to break tomorrow morning. After five and a half years, Maya and I are going to be done nursing. I realize many of you only think of nurslings as infants. When we started this partnership I didn't think about how long we'd nurse. I just did what felt right for us.

...

I wrote that paragraph last night. All week I've been engaging in behaviors to help me avoid these intense feelings. I felt part of me was being stabbed with dull knives.

Well, this morning I said she could nurse as long as she wanted. I didn't mention it was hurting me to know it was about to be over. She nursed for maybe 2 minutes on each side and asked for her celebration present (a rag doll dog she had begged for on our trip to Texas). That was it. She's wanted to be leaning on me, hugging me, in my lap a bit more than usual. But, even if/when she gets upset about this (going to sleep tonight, perhaps) it's clear she knows we're Really Done.

My heart isn't broken. I feel a bit fragile, but full of love and pride for this big girl. Her heart is clearly not broken. She knows Mommy and Maya together will never be Done.


.

I am a Twitter Snob

Apparently, according to this interesting article, I am a Twitter Snob. There are different ways people use social networking, for sure. When it comes to Twitter, I Tweet frequently (1-8 (or 10?) times a day) and I only follow people I actually know in real life. There are a small handful of exceptions, some folks I know only online, and a few interesting topical Tweeters (The Onion, for example). But, when someone I don't know starts following me, I don't start following them. I'm delighted they are curious about my tweeting. But life is so cluttered with details as it is, I don't have time to sort through tweets to find my actual friends' updates. So, I am followed by a few more people than I follow. This is what makes me a Twitter Snob.

So, on the suggestion of the article, I've downloaded TweetDeck. The idea is that I will be able to make a group of those people I really want to follow and will be polite and follow everyone who follows me, too. Until this article I didn't realize some Tweeters consider it bad form to not follow-back.

I've been using Twitterific which I like because new tweets come in, a pretty little transparent box appears, shows it to me for 5 seconds and disappears. But, there aren't any grouping options with it. I'm looking at TweetDeck which has some nice features. But, it's bigger and not as pretty or subtle. And, more importantly, I realize that I like only following people I really want to follow. I like that my list is pretty short, though I certainly would love to add more friends if they are Twittering.

There is another issue, though, keeping me from being polite and following my followers. Sometimes, when I'm supposed to be working, I like to go through other people's profiles and see who they're following. Until I read about this Twitter Snob, etc. idea I assumed that checking out who my friends were following would give me fun insights or questions about who they are. I imagine someone looking at my follow list and thinking I have things in common with... --insert someone who I have had no contact with, ever, beyond their following me-- ...and that may be way off base.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to just stick with what I've been doing. I'd like to rename Tweeters like me, though, from Twitter Snobs, to Twitter Friends. It's not that I don't care about other people, or believe others deserve the experience of sharing their thoughts with a wider audience. It's just that I don't choose to use Twitter necessarily as a way to meet or get to know new people. If some must label me a Twitter Snob, I guess I'll just have to deal.

If you'd like to follow me on Twitter and won't get into a twit if I don't follow back, please do. It's a serious honor, believe me. :-) http://twitter.com/serenebabe



.