My heart is going to break tomorrow morning. After five and a half years, Maya and I are going to be done nursing. I realize many of you only think of nurslings as infants. When we started this partnership I didn't think about how long we'd nurse. I just did what felt right for us.
...
I wrote that paragraph last night. All week I've been engaging in behaviors to help me avoid these intense feelings. I felt part of me was being stabbed with dull knives.
Well, this morning I said she could nurse as long as she wanted. I didn't mention it was hurting me to know it was about to be over. She nursed for maybe 2 minutes on each side and asked for her celebration present (a rag doll dog she had begged for on our trip to Texas). That was it. She's wanted to be leaning on me, hugging me, in my lap a bit more than usual. But, even if/when she gets upset about this (going to sleep tonight, perhaps) it's clear she knows we're Really Done.
My heart isn't broken. I feel a bit fragile, but full of love and pride for this big girl. Her heart is clearly not broken. She knows Mommy and Maya together will never be Done.
.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
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3 comments:
"She knows Mommy and Maya together will never be Done."
Aw, Heather, you made me cry. Thank you for letting us know how it is going. I will be thinking of you and anxious to hear how tonight goes.
Jen (Momofsage)
Oh oh oh I totally understand. And yes, it's definitely about doing it until you're done. Henry I did push a bit because it was killing me being pregnant and nursing. Eli motored right through the painful (for me) phase and then I had to push him a bit to finish when I was nursing him and giving Zuzu a bottle, since that didn't quite seem right. But we ramped down slowly and now he's always trying to get her to nurse, like, "Hey, don't forget about this great thing you get to do!"
I have to say I like cuddling better, when it's all said and done. Less like you're the host and they're the feeder (because there are enough things in parenting where that's what's happening anyway).
Found your blog linked from a comment on Archers, and this post blew me away. I guess I just wasn't expecting to see something about extended nursing here. I'm in the same boat. My little guy is 4 years, two months, and he stopped about a month ago. I promised him a "big boy" party when he was all done, and I keep sort of kind of hoping that he's not really, truly all done. It's sad, kind of, but I'm really proud of him because I know he was really ready. I don't know, it's kind of hard to articulate. Thank you for putting words to the feeling.
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