But when she twists her hair and pulls it out, it hurts me. At first, I thought it was because it annoyed me. Then I thought it was because I was totally powerless over the behavior. Then I thought it was because I felt I was a failure as a mother -- how could a child with such a loving, consistent, healthy, and attentive family be so anxious that she'd give herself bald spots?
I had to trim one side to even it out after she'd pulled out so much she looked lopsided.
Now I realize it's not that I'm a failure, or Josh, or that we're not meeting her needs somehow. What hurts me about her habit is that it's so public. People can *see* her anxiety. It took me a solid 15 years to be almost okay with sharing my own fears. And here is this beautiful, happy child walking around with a flashing billboard that says, "I'm actually really, really worried."
I wish I could wash away every worry.
The pulling started just a few days after we told her she was going to have a new baby brother or sister. It's completely understandable.
I've Googled it, and the OCD-related habit also happens to run in our family. So, I'm almost able to understand she just can't help it. I talk to the other twister/puller I know and have learned more. I try to let it go, have faith that she will find other ways to help herself with her anxiety. But when I see her worries in those bare patches it's all I can do to not sweep her up into my arms, maybe put her in a sling, and keep her close to me forever.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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1 comments:
Hey Heath, It's Sherri from CT! I wanted to share with you that Melissa pulled her hair (and would eat it) when she as younger (1 - 3ish). She was going through some tough visits with her birth parents (DCF had legal custody of her until she was 4). It was mandated through DCF that she see a psychologist to evaluate her right before I adopted her. I shared this habit with him and he suggested that I give her something silky and soft to hold when I saw her pulling her hair. For Melissa,it had become a habit when she was relaxing - riding in the car, watching a video, falling asleep etc. I found a blanket for bed and a stuffed animal for other times. It helped Melissa so much. Just passing along my experience and hope that it may help you!
-Sherri
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